Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here 2016

Welcome back to another glorious edition of Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here! This is either the sixth annual or seventh annual appearance of the epic poem. I’ve lost count at this point. But I do know that if you had told me when I started writing these in high school that I’d still be writing them all these years later, now a college graduate about to embark on my second summer as an actual professional baseball writer, I would have totally believed you. But not to this degree.

As usual, I don’t want to preface too hard. You know the drill. The following 90 lines – written to the best of my ability in iambic pentameter – are my predictions for the upcoming MLB season. I don’t expect my predictions to be correct. They very rarely ever are. But they are my forecasting of what the season looks like in the multiverse that is my mind. At the bottom of the post are my playoff predictions and two choices, one obvious and one outlandish, for postseason awards.

Let’s get on with it. I present to you Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here: 2016 Edition.

Mets

I bet the Mets will play this October

I can’t believe I just said that sober

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Nationals

The reigning MVP won’t be enough

For this season not to be a bit rough

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Marlins

Someone has to come in the third in the East

I pick the Fish. Fernandez is a beast.

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Braves

Next year the Bravos will get a new park

This year they have the lifespan of a Stark

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Phillies

The Phils will be a bit better this year

That may be the organization’s fear

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Cubs

McFly was wrong, or was he a year off?

The Cubs are back to make the haters scoff

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Cardinals

They’re always good. It’s the same dance, same song

When picking the Cardinals, you can’t be Wong

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Pirates

Being good but not the best must get old

It is enough to make your blood go Cole-d

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Brewers

The Brewers might be the forgotten team

It’ll take a lot for them to gain steam

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Reds

Todd Frazier is gone, Johnny Cueto too

Without players, what are the Reds to do?

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Giants

An even year can mean only one thing

Fit Buster Posey for a brand new ring

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Dodgers

If you’re a healthy Dodger please stand up

Do they have nine players for a lineup?

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Diamondbacks

They spent, they traded, wins they’ve tried to raise

Because it worked so well for the Padres…

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Padres

A town known for a winning temp’rature

Will not boast an MVP Kemp-for-sure

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Rockies

Arenado’s great, pitching is awful

A team this bad should be made unlawful

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Blue Jays

Who needs pitching when you score 10 a game?

Let’s see if that strategy works the same

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Yankees

The Yanks are aging but still holding on

They win games, then yell “Get off of my lawn!”

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Red Sox

This team is almost not worth predicting

Their brand of random is too addicting

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Rays

Their names may rhyme but they’re far from the same

The Rays and Jays play the opposite game

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Orioles

The O’s very well could finish in first

But the East is weird, so they may be worst

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Royals

This year I won’t pick against Hos and Cain

I was fooled once, I won’t be fooled again

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Indians

Rooting for Cleveland takes lots to endure

Things are looking up though, check out Lindor

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

White Sox

I choose not to make a locker room joke

I’ll mention Chris Sale; don’t fix what ain’t broke

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Twins

I really don’t know how this team gets wins

Nothing confuses me more than the Twins

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Tigers

Detroit’s downfall sure isn’t a biggie

Unless you respond to the name Miggy

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Rangers

Full year of Hamels, a clean bill of health

The return of Yu, talent is a wealth

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Astros

The team of the future looks great today

But with a good West, success might delay

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Angels

Mike Trout just may be a baseball robot

But his prime’s more wasted than J.J. Watt

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Athletics

The Gods of Luck to the As were so mean

Let’s see how you can fix that Billy Beane

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

Mariners

I want them to win, this team is no snooze

How can you not root for Felix and Cruz?

Yippee, Yippee, Baseball is Here

PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS

AL Wild Card: Astros over Indians

NL Wild Card: Cardinals over Pirates

ALDS: Blue Jays over Astros

ALDS: Rangers over Royals

NLDS: Mets over Cardinals

NLDS: Cubs over Giants

ALCS: Blue Jays over Rangers

NLCS: Mets over Cubs

WS: Mets over Blue Jays

OBVIOUS AWARD PREDICTIONS

AL MVP: Mike Trout

NL MVP: Bryce Harper

AL Cy Young: Sonny Gray

NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw

LESS OBVIOUS (WRONG) AWARD PREDICTIONS

AL MVP: Michael Brantley

NL MVP: A.J. Pollock

AL Cy Young: Carlos Carrasco

NL Cy Young: Hector Rondon